There's a great site called Meet the Author in which you can watch clips of your favourite writers talking about their books. It features Gregory Maguire singing the title of his new book, Son of a Witch; and among the SF writers, my favourite clip features a barnstorming performance from Iain M. Banks.
I went along on Friday of last week to do my own 'piece to camera'. Strangely, I wasn't too nervous, largely because these days I never have time to get nervous (I used to spend days, nay weeks, getting nervous about things! Ah, happy times.)
And, though I'd mentally prepared a few things to say, I hadn't managed to write anything down. I thought, what the hell, I'll busk it. And, to my own considerable surprise, I began calmly, and spoke fluently, and didn't forget anything I wanted to say when suddenly
Nothing.
My brain emptied. My throat wouldn't work. I totally 'dried'.
The very nice camera guy then explained I was way over length anyway - the ideal time for these things is 2 minutes, and I'd already passed the 6 minute mark, with footnotes and a prose poem sketch of my experiences running in Crystal Palace Park. So I gulped, resolved to be less verbose, and started again.
This time, I'm glad to say, I was far more economical. I got through about a minute and half's worth of chat effortlessly and then
Nothing.
My brain emptied. My throat wouldn't work. I totally 'dried', for the second time.
This, have to say, is the moment when I realised when I could never be an actor. It's not just that I don't look right, and I can't act, and I get embarrassed in public, though those are major handicaps. It's my brain. It doesn't remember the end of things.
To be or not to be, that is the
Um? What comes next?
That would be me.
Interestingly, the art of classical rhetoric was very much concerned with the art of memory. Greek orators used to memorise their speeches by associating each section with their living room, as part of a visual mnemonic system. You start with the door, move across to the sofa; and when you reach the main part or 'focus' of your argument, you're at the fireplace. (The word 'focus' comes from the Greek word for 'hearth', for precisely this reason.)
I've never learned any such rhetorical tricks; I relied on luck to get my through, and luck failed me miserably.
By this point, furious and battle-scarred, I wanted to start the whole thing again; but the camera guy just got me to carry on from where I'd stopped. His plan is to edit it together seamlessly, but I'm convinced you'll be able to see a few seconds of dead air, and a panic-stricken writer with a fish-eye stare who has clearly had his data banks wiped.
In the interests of my own public mortification, I'll post a blog to say when the interview has gone online.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Philip, really, genuinely, please don't worry about it. My experience is that practically every author put in front of a camera feels afterwards that it wasn't a great success - but it always turns out much better than they feel. I'm sure it will be wonderful and look forward to seeing it.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Thanks George...
March 12th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
LMAO! Okay, I have now crawled off the floor, back onto the chair. Not laughing at your expense, my dear. Just at what people make us do, when it should be quite clear we're best at expressing ourselves ON PAPER PLEASE! I'm about to go speak to a bunch of high schoolers about writing. Have chosen to wing it in much the same manner you did. I have a feeling we're just going to end up staring at each other glumly, at which point I know I'm going to recall this story and start laughing hysterically. Which will be the LAST time they ask me to talk at Career Day!
March 13th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
CRASH!!!! That's the sound of readers of this blog falling off their chairs, laughing at my plight. Great stuff.
Hope you have a great time with the high schoolers, Jen...they're probably used to sensible and dull speakers talking about how to be a laywer, or a widget manufacturer. Whereas you write cool novels about vampires. So I think you'll have a captive audience...!
March 13th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Wotcha
Any chance of a link to http://www.sci-fi-london.com
I only say this 'cos the 7th annual festival is coming up and it's germane. Also I review books for their website..;-)
Cheers!
Rob
March 14th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Looking forward to seeing this! Mwuahaha! Everyone should be embarressed in front of a camera every so often! Keeps you authors humble! =]
And might I ask, what's wrong with widget manafacturing*?!
Best wishes,
Chris
PS: * TBH, I'm not entirely sure how one manafactures widgets, anyway... I can understand the concept of doors even if I can't do carpentry; must be something similar!